I didn't tell

I didn’t tell

This post is long overdue. A post I first considered writing back when Bill Cosby’s accusers (victims) started publicly speaking out, and the most common question early on wasn’t: “How could he do something so horrible?” Instead the question people seemed to be asking was: “Why should we believe these women when they didn’t bother speaking up right away?”

I believed them.

Approximately a decade ago, a friend of mine encouraged me to sign up for an acting class in Los Angeles. “Your college degree is in theater. You never know what types of connections you might build through this class. I know you’re going through a lot right now, but I think it’d be good for you.”

She was right. I was going through a lot. A lot, a lot. I had two children, one barely 3 years old, the other 18 months, and I had just decided to leave my marriage. I hadn’t even moved out yet. I didn’t know where to go or how I’d pay for it.

The acting class I eventually signed up for turned out to be a great two-hour weekly escape from the stress of my daily life as a stay-at-home mom and my worries about my future.

The last day of class was a presentation, when all of the students got to perform our scenes for a few industry professionals. Within a few days of my performance, I was contacted by one of the talent managers who had attended the presentation and thought I had enough talent to “make it in this business.”

Wow, a talent manager believed I could get television and film work. I was flattered and hopeful that maybe if I actually booked some work, it would make my post-divorce life a bit easier, at least financially.

My new talent manager and I signed a lengthy contract, met up a few times to discuss the plan for my career, and he joined me at my photography session to make sure we got just the perfect headshot. Every time we interacted, he was nothing but professional. No flirting. No inappropriate looks or conversations. He was the perfect gentleman.

Or so I thought.

One evening, my manager and I had a meeting at one of those fancy, high-rise buildings in Los Angeles. By the time we were done, it was dark outside. As we left the building, he asked me to drop him off at a restaurant for a dinner meeting he had scheduled. He had taken a taxi to our meeting and his next destination was on my way home, so it didn’t seem like a big deal to just drop him off. We got in my car and continued our business-related conversation. But once we got into the typical, annoying Los Angeles traffic, completely out of the blue, he placed his hand on my inner thigh and then grabbed my crotch. I screamed, “What are you doing? No!” I tried pulling his hand off me, but he was stronger and bigger and free, while I was still trying to control a car, unable to pull over due to all the other cars surrounding me. By now, both of his hands were on me, groping me, massaging me. His seat belt was off and he was leaning in close to me. I pushed and yelled, “We’re going to get into a car accident! Get off of me now!”

But he didn’t seem phased. He acted like he owned me. Like I was just a body with no voice, no say, no feelings. He didn’t seem at all concerned with my anger and disgust with him. He had no fear as he arrogantly and very calmly said, “You’re enjoying it. You know you are.”

The entire ordeal probably didn’t last more than a few minutes, though it felt like time had slowed down. I was in a panic trying to get him to stop touching me and get away from me, all while looking for a place to pull the car over, wondering how I could make this all end before it escalated even more. Finally I was able to stop at the side of the road. I told him to get out, and thankfully, he obliged.

As I drove off, my entire body was shaking. I was in shock. What had just happened? And why in the world did he think this was okay? And could I have done more to stop him immediately? And thank goodness he wasn’t the one driving the car. He could have taken me somewhere and raped me. Did I say or do something in the previous few weeks to make him think I wanted this? What. Just. Happened?

I felt like garbage. I felt empty. Numb.

I drove back to the apartment I still shared with my first husband, walked in, and said nothing. The next morning, I sat down and drafted a letter to my manager stating that I was breaking our business contract due to his sexual assault of me. I wanted those words “sexual assault” in writing. I wanted him to know that I wasn’t oblivious to what had just happened and how serious it was. I wanted him to know that, no, I wasn’t enjoying it. I didn’t want it!

The following day, I mailed the letter and then drove to the police station. I was going to report this. It had to be reported. He had committed a crime. I started to reach for the door handle of my car but my body froze while my mind raced.

It’s going to be my word against his. I can’t prove it. And I’m about to leave my husband. Could this affect my divorce proceedings? What if he accuses me of having an affair with him? And now that I know how arrogant and brash he is, what else is he capable of? What might he do to retaliate? He has money. He has power. I have nothing. Nothing except for my word. Is my word enough?

I sat in front of the police station for over an hour. And then I drove away. I didn’t tell.

I didn’t tell my friends or family. I didn’t tell anyone. I was embarrassed that I had even put myself in a situation where I was alone in a car with a man I barely knew. I was embarrassed that I didn’t punch him, or somehow have the strength to push him off of me. And after some time, I was embarrassed that I hadn’t reported it.

If you asked those closest to me to describe me, you’d hear “strong” and “outspoken” and “brave” and “doesn’t put up with crap.” And they’d be right. I am all of those things. Women like me would never let someone get away with abusing us, assaulting us, demeaning us. Never. Except sometimes we do. And sometimes the reasons are so complex and confusing that even we can’t fully make sense of them.

Looking back, I wish I had immediately told a friend. I wish I had asked that friend to take me to the police station, and make me get out of the car, and hold my hand, and remind me as many times as necessary that my word is enough. That my body and my dignity and the truth are worth more than his money and his power and anyone’s doubts.

But why should anyone believe me when I didn’t bother speaking up right away?

139 Responses to I didn’t tell

  1. Slón Nelson-Bentley April 24, 2017 at 10:55 am #

    I recently wrote a very long diatribe on FB, about what happened to me, when I was a sophomore in college (1992), when there was another story about a woman (in a different case), who didn’t report it until years later, and people were doubting her story. I had never told anyone, after the university basically told me it was my word against his, and he said it was mutual. I was not raped, thank goodness, but I was still assaulted, by a guy I considered a friend. It took the story of yet ANOTHER woman being maligned for not reporting it for my rage to finally push me over the edge and speak up. I regret not pressing the issue with the university or going to the police.

  2. Tracy April 20, 2017 at 4:01 pm #

    I didn’t tell either. Some things I did tell were never believes, so I stopped telling. The most heartbreaking thing about not telling…is when your adult 18 year old daughter doesn’t tell.

  3. Heidi March 21, 2017 at 2:20 pm #

    I have only been watching your videos and reading your blog for 4 days now because a friend of mine that is going through the same crap, sent me a link. I think you’re amazing and the more I read and learn, the more thankful I am to know there are such strong women out there helping other women by being an example. I went through it too, and still am even though I put him in prison. He even asked my forgiveness before he died, but you are never done with healing. All the women he hurt are still trying to heal and I realize how blessed I am that I was believed. It doesn’t make the memories go away, or the questions, or the hurt, but justice was done and he couldn’t hurt anyone else.
    I want to say thank you as well for telling your story, because it is obviously helping alot of people, men and women to vent and if it helps them to get professional help or try again, then the effect is only positive. I don’t believe in coincidences, even the bad things that happened in my life have influenced who I am today. And because of what I went through, I am able to help others going through similar trials. We all have to go through trials in our lives and we tend to ask, why me? But I think there is a time and a reason for everything. We just have to learn to work through whatever it is that is thrown in our way and take others by the hand so that we can heal and carry the load together, however long it takes.
    I also want to say that there are wonderful men in the world, I was lucky enough to meet one. From what I have seen, so were you. To all you women who doubt it, never give up hope. Some men were raised right and others are subject to change. If they want it enough, they can. Mine isn’t perfect either, but he will never put himself in a situation where anyone could accuse him of doing something inappropriate. A very wise decision. May God bless all you hurting people. I feel for you, I feel with you. Be strong and find your strengths, your reason and your comfort.

  4. HK March 18, 2017 at 3:34 pm #

    I didn’t tell either. At 15, my friend’s dad tried to touch me while driving.

    I had a learner’s permit and he offered to let me practice driving his truck. With me driving, the dad in the middle, and my friend in the passenger seat. He had put his arm around the back of my seat, over my shoulders, and started to touch/rub my left breast. While I was driving, and his daughter was sitting on the other side of him!

    I immediately pulled over, made some excuse about not feeling well, and switched seats with his daughter/my friend. I broke off the friendship with this person and never told a soul. It’s been over 20 years and I still don’t know if I would tell if I had to do it all over again. What he did was disgusting, but what disgusts me more than anything, is the position he put me in. No matter what, it was a lose/lose. Who knows what he was doing to his daughters. Were they molested over the years? Would my telling have helped them? Or would my telling have harmed them more? What if he never touched his own daughters, and my telling caused unnecessary pain to my friend that did not deserve it. She was a good person and still is. It was the dad that should pay, not his family. What would happen if no one believed me, and the public shame was far worse than the silent shame?

    I was lucky, and the situation could have been so much worse. But in the end, not telling seemed less hurtful for the ones I cared about.

  5. Tiffany Rhodes January 23, 2017 at 4:20 am #

    I tried to get a restraining order on a man (my mother’s live-in boyfriend) after 16 years of sexual assaults & sexual harrassment. The judge told me to “Come back when he hits you!”. Ironically, I worked under that same judge about a year later. I had lost all respect for him then & still today. He could have altered the course of my life for the better that day, but it went the opposite direction. My mother & I became estranged over her live-in predator & then she died on me 1.5 years later. No one was with her. I could have been….only if.

  6. Jaslynn Janson January 13, 2017 at 5:45 am #

    Mine was a modeling situation and he was driving and it was a nightmare. I was nineteen and like you it had been professional he got all of the pictures he needed and the drove me away from safty and people and changed my life…….. On a positive note you change my life everything you say makes me better and I love ya.

  7. Kristin Owens January 12, 2017 at 12:13 am #

    I don’t have much to say, we’ll that’s a big lie!! I have lots to say but have been hushed for so many years. You’re an amazing women for telling your story, but you’re more than that! You, like many women, are my hero Kristina. Not just a comedian, or actress, but a hero to women who feel like they don’t know how to voice the things that have happened to them. I Googled you ton find more of your amazingly funny mom videos and came across this article you wrote. Unfortunately I get to deal with the person who abused me more often than I would like to, as he was my brother and my parents live with him and his family.
    My point is, thank you for speaking out and sharing your story! I wish I could be as brave as you!! Can’t wait to see you at Jesterz next month!!
    -Kristin Ethington Owens

  8. Chelle January 10, 2017 at 1:43 am #

    I was kid napped at 5, tricked by a girl who asked me to come play at her house after we got inside within a minute a big African American must have been 16-18 came down their floating staircase, I at 5! Knew something was wrong I tried to leave, he picked me up and threw me across the room. I decided as he was having sex with the girl and telling me to watch ( backup) I decided to play dead from the throw. I lie there as they did their thing staring at the lick, we dident lick our doors at home. I lie motionless until I decided to make a run for the door… I managed to unlock it and all I remember is running and running until everything went black. Because of this I have almost 0 childhood memories and the alter personalities came out at age 46 with therapy 2 a week the alters rarely come out. Maybe this has nothing to do with your story but I have been in that similar situation also more than once.

  9. Deborah December 24, 2016 at 5:14 am #

    I still can not publicly talk about what happened to me….do I believe women like this? Absolutely, in fact it takes a lot for me not to believe them. I went through a ringer of a situation with a co worker who was also a supervisor. After months of stalking, literally….I spent months getting home and shutting off every light in my home to pretend I was sleeping or sometimes hiding my car somewhere else so he wouldn’t think I was home when he drove by or up to my house every night…..my toddler and I played games in low light…it was horrible. It was more horrible to have it brought to light and saying the word “rape” only to have people look at you like you were crazy. I redacted everything and quickly when I saw how others reacted to what I was saying happened. I never said “rape”…..they did, and they reacted in a way that made me afraid for my career. I was a single mom, earning benefits I never thought I’d have at my age….I was too afraid to jeopardize my childs future.

  10. Tessie December 6, 2016 at 6:30 pm #

    I totally get it. I was 18 and just broke off an engagement with a man who was nice but certainly not faithful. I met a guy who invited me to a party, which I enthusiastically accepted. Not unusual thirty something years ago – – he came to pick me up and took me to an apartment where the party was to be – but no one showed up – it was just him and I. I was very uncomfortable but he was showing me around when he pushed me on the bed and began kissing and pawing me… one thing led to another and my clothes got ripped. I began telling him no and screaming no – but he would stop and I began kicking and getting louder and louder – he finally stopped and took me home where he pretty much pushed me from the car.
    I got to me room where I cried for who knows how long – I did tell an aunt – who basically told me that is what I get for going out with a stranger. The guild stuck with me for years – I will never forget that man, not him, not his name, nor the event. But I also will no longer allow that situation to define or stop me from being all I can be.

  11. Rachel December 1, 2016 at 1:06 am #

    Thank you for sharing your story. It is so important that sexual assault victims speak up, but it’s so hard for us to do so. This past October, I was in Bali on a dive alone with a male, Indonesian dive instructor. We were at our safety stop and I was cold and shivering, so he had his arms on mine to try and warm me up while we waited until it was safe to surface. I was looking around at the sea floor and enjoying the dive, when he took my regulator (what I breathe through when diving) out of my mouth. Now, dive masters usually only do this if they’re going to share their oxygen supply, so I thought I was getting low because I was shivering. Instead of placing his extra regulator in my mouth, he put his tongue in my mouth. I looked at him wide-eyed and quickly put my regulator back in my mouth and didn’t make eye contact with him the rest of the dive or speak to him on the boat.

    When we got back, I was afraid to report it because he was in the vicinity and there were only men on duty. I even tipped him because I was so confused! I told my friend when I got back and she named it. Sexual assault. The next day, she stopped into the dive shop to see if the manager was there so I could have their card and write an email. The manager was there and she was a woman, so I told my story. She asked me to write to her so she could bring it to the lawyers to have him fired (she was foreigner and he’s Indonesian, so she couldn’t outright fire him without legal representation). She spoke to THREE different lawyers who told her that he needed 2 complaints of the same kind against him before she could fire him…

    Heartbreaking, and I recognise that it could have been worse on my end. But when you trust someone and you’re just going about a regular activity, it’s disheartening. Thank you for creating a space where we can share our stories. <3 x

  12. Gen November 29, 2016 at 4:06 am #


  13. Pam November 27, 2016 at 6:41 am #

    Thank you so much for telling your story!! You’re very brave for speaking out even now.. And I know just how you feel… I went through something similar more than once… my ex-husband left me pregnant with three small kiddos… Being a single mom with four small children… In a small town and no one to really help..when your boss makes advances and you really need your job just to keep a roof over your childrens head…it’s really hard deciding what to do… I, too, just kept quiet and quietly looked for another job… if I could turn back time, I’m not sure if I could have done anything different… but I would have at least tried… that’s why I try to keep looking forward instead of backward… It hurts too much looking at things I can’t change… One wonderful thing happened though… I meant my wonderful husband… he accepts me just as I am… And he loves my first four children as his own and we had 7 more… 11 children in all and there’s no such thing as half sisters and brothers our family… They’re all just sisters and brothers… and I couldn’t imagine my life without all of them.. the lesson this story is don’t look back just keep looking forward… Learn from your mistakes and keep moving forward… let God handle and judge everything else… God will truly handle those’s who think they have gotten away with it. .. They haven’t and they won’t!!!

  14. N November 23, 2016 at 4:08 am #

    I believe you, and I still haven’t told.
    I was in my early 20s when I was raped repeatedly in one night by an aquintance. I was drunk and went to his house alone. I still don’t know if my inability to move or fight him off was due to my being drunk or if he drugged my drink, but I strongly suspect I was drugged. I have never before or after had that reaction to alcohol.
    I didn’t tell when it happened because I didn’t consider it rape. I blamed myself for putting myself in a dangerous situation. I still haven’t told anyone other than my husband and doctor because I know how much it will hurt my parents. I hope to God he never did it again, but I feel a lot of guilt knowing that he likely did.
    Hopefully there will be a day where we will not feel such guilt and shame about something that was not our fault.

  15. crystal November 21, 2016 at 2:28 pm #

    Im so sorry this happened to you… Iv blocked itcso dont remember really anything but i was molested by my fathers group of friends when i was only 3-4 i had aspeech problem and couldnt speak also i was burnt with a car ciggerate lighter on my forhead to inforce i say nothing… My mother was pissed. She knew my father knew but he tried lyong abt it saying i got a rug burn when it clearly wasnt one. What i dont undersatand is yrs later she wasstill on off with him andshe would make me take bubble baths with my father i was like 6-8. I remember crying to her begging her not to make me. But she force me in as my father smiled. And she woukd shut tge bathroom door so i guessshe coukd be in denile. Everything is blocked after my mom shut door. I guess my brain would shut off to deal with what preceded. Plus my mother beat me .
    I believe you and im so sorry this happene to you… I just started watching and sharing your videos you are amazing and inspirational. You make me feel like a better mom, and i thank you for that because thats hard to do

  16. Letty November 20, 2016 at 12:12 am #

    Something similar happen to a friend of mine except it happen to her daughter and at her daughter’s daycare. As a parent she did all the RIGHT things. Reported it to Child Services,made a police report. The detective that was assigned her case said her daughter was lying. THat kids make stuff up all the time. The worst part is that this pedophile is still at the daycare. Her daughter is not, obviously. But there are other children there. 😕

  17. Anonymous K November 18, 2016 at 11:38 pm #

    Thank you.
    Marital Rape is hard to prove. I was young. No one would have believed me. It was my fault.

    It took me several years, but I am free, and I am only just able to tell. It happened in 2009.

    Thank you for sharing your story. I hope it gives you more inner strength, and a stronger belief in your self.

    I know breaking my silence saved my life. While charges were never made, and never will be, as it was so long ago, I feel liberated by letting my fear and pain out on the open. Now it is a part of a past that helped to build me. It no longer defines me.

    Thank you for sharing your story so publicly. You are brave. You are strong.

    And you share that with all of us.

  18. Ashton November 18, 2016 at 8:37 am #

    Going through physical abuse before we got married and thinking he was going to stop or it was just a phase or didn’t know what he was doing…..it was just that not knowing what he was doing at times. That in itself is scary. It was a quick marriage we got into and with him being older than me he wanted to start having children. During my pregnancy and even before he was physically abusive pushing me around and making me fall to the floor, shoving me, knocking me down, ripped my shirt one time. After having our child it got worse. The last couple of times did it for me he pushed me into the wall and left a big hole and then the time before that he had me on the floor his hands around my neck and was choking me. I seen pure evil in his eyes so bad that I didn’t know if he was going to let go or not. I was trying to squirm to move but I couldn’t get out of it and he was right there at the point of no return I felt like I was seconds away from not breathing. I was sore the next 2 days with him squeezing my neck, so sore that just turning my neck from side to side ached. After a couple of years going through that I finally got the courage to finally tell my Mother actually just about 5 Months ago. She was very very upset. I wanted to tell someone anybody sooner. He told me not to tell and to not to talk to anyone about our stuff and for a long time it was like that to the point I didn’t want to open up to anyone and then him telling me I needed to go get help because of my depression. Mhmm I wonder why I was depressed…….because of him!!!! What even makes it worse is you got his family that is taking this very lightly right now like I haven’t told them what has gone on, they do know though. When I went to talk to his Mother she asked me if I thought he would ever hurt our child and I said well he did hurt me while I was pregnant with him! And to I never ever thought he would ever do that to me especially since he put this charming, genuine front on. Now they try to twist Scripture/bible verses around about Jesus being beat and this and that. Like how sick is that?! As God’s Daughter, He does NOT want his daughter to have to go through that!!!

  19. Penny November 18, 2016 at 5:16 am #

    When I was 11, I went on a beach vacation with a friend. She had both a younger brother, and an older brother, 5 years older and 5 years younger. One night, the older brother (who had been sleeping in a tent) decided to move his sleeping arrangement. It was decided he could sleep on the floor next to the cots she and I were sleeping on. We slept just outside the motorhome in a zipper screened patio area. The door to the motor home, was open to us, and I didn’t think anything about raising any objections.

    In the middle of the night, I felt his hands on me. I turned away, and he grabbed my hand and put it on his JUNK. I was scared, he was the golden child of the family, the one people praised. that everyone was impressed with. I was ashamed, I couldn’t make a sound. I tried, but was paralyzed, and unable to make any noise. I remember trying to pull my hand away, and turning away to get him to stop groping me. He was silent. But firmly held my hand on him though his completion.

    After it was all over, I laid with my back to him and my friend. In the morning, I was relieved that he and his older friend had left early to go surfing. I don’t remember how I acted or reacted that morning with his family. Certainly, they fed me some type of breakfast, and I must have interacted with them. I looked for my beach towel, which was missing. I remember searching for it.

    Later, that morning, the brother, had some type of accident. He’d somehow sliced his foot open, and since he’d taken the towel they used the towel to stanch the blood. I went a little nuts when I saw it all bloody. I know my reaction was out of proportion. I’m sure I looked crazy. I remember them being quite disgusted with me since I was “crying over a towel.”

    I was upset, and was crushed. I’d never had “my own” beach towel before, had used it once. I know now, I was acting out. Hoping someone would notice and help me figure out what to do.

    I could never understand why he took it, back in the 70’s only a hippie would have been “cool” using my towel. It was girly, with pink and purple printed on a thin white towel with doves on it.

    My friend couldn’t believe I was putting a towel before a person. But, I felt very small, and wounded. I couldn’t tell her the truth, why I was so mad at her brother. I couldn’t even reveal that I was angry with him. Who would have believe me, his family? Not likely. She and I had been good friends, but this was the last time, I went anywhere with that family. I realized later, that was a good thing.

    It was a few days before the trip was over, and I got home where someone would be on my side. By that time, I’d suppressed my emotions, and memories. Survival was way more important.

    Over the years, when I’d think of this event at all, I’d buried the events in the night, and would think of the cutting remarks about my lack of empathy for the older brother. Years later, I would cringe if someone suggested I lacked empathy for someone. I spent may hours “beating myself up” over my inappropriate and distant response, to someone being hurt. I always felt conflicted, but wouldn’t dig deep enough to remember why. I worked on empathy for others, at being in the moment without dealing with my own victimization.

    It was only years later, as I became very comfortable with myself, that I was able to unblock my memories of that time. Several self esteem issues stem from this event, and made me very critical of myself. However, I know that this was a catalyst and am glad that I work on self improvement and am open to peoples opinions about me.

    We victims end up having to be “the better” ones. Emotionally fractured by a(n) interaction(s) that the perpetrator many times just shrugs away. I wish human nature was different. I know now, I should have spoken up. I would have felt better about myself.

    Likely, I would have been shuttled home immediately for bringing it up. If they believed me, they would have kept him under closer supervision for a while, which could have prevented his accident. Likely, I would not have been friends anymore (same as what happened).

    If they didn’t believe me, my mom would have. I could have been picked up, or shuttled home. My future would have been different. But, I’ve ended up being pretty outspoken anyway.

    I always wondered what his family would say if they knew what really happened. I don’t think about his feelings, he doesn’t deserve my consideration

  20. Leslie Ralph October 28, 2016 at 7:15 pm #

    Thank you for courageously sharing your story. Clearly, whether you tell or don’t tell (immediately or years later) is complex. There is nothing simple (or dishonest) about it. Your strength is inspiring as is the support and encouragement from everyone leaving a comment here.

  21. Kamilla October 26, 2016 at 7:38 am #

    Thank you❤️

  22. J E October 21, 2016 at 9:06 pm #

    Me, too. Only it was my step father and I was a teenager. I told my mom, but she thought it was too risky to report him. He said he was only trying to make me feel good. I wait everyday for him to pass away.

    • Jess October 25, 2016 at 12:32 am #

      Um report him be safe get help sending love

    • Meagan November 21, 2016 at 2:25 pm #

      That’s heart breaking

  23. TJ October 20, 2016 at 5:13 pm #

    I will start by saying that I didn’t have the best “parental guidance” growing up. With that said, I was molested several times as a small child and into my teen years. Not by one, but by several different men that my Mother let into our homes. My first experience was with her second husband. He used to make me shower with him from ages 4-5 until I was 10. Although, I believe I’ve blocked many of the more traumatic parts of the molestation, I specifically remember having to soap him down EVERYWHERE during those shower times. I didn’t tell. I didn’t even know what was happening or that it wasn’t a normal thing for a kid to do with their parental figure. The second instance happened when I was 11. My Mother was throwing a birthday party for my 13 year old sisters boyfriends 21st birthday. She allowed me to drink. I don’t remember much because that night I overdosed on alcohol and ended up in a coma for a week in the hospital. The last thing I remember is lying in a bed talking to one of my sisters boyfriends friends. During an examination at the hospital, it was determined that there was a very high probability of sexual assault. I didn’t even know what that meant. I only know that I was sent to live with my Father. At 12, my Mother had moved to another state and my Grandparents took me and my sister to visit her. We didn’t go back. During the time that we lived with my Mother in the new city and state, I can remember that we drank with her and her friends and did some drugs (speed mostly). There were men coming and going all the time. I can remember being put in situations where I was molested on at least 3 different occasions. I didn’t tell. At 13, we moved back to the state we lived in before and my Father allowed us to continue to live with our Mother. We went to a family reunion on my Mother’s side and after the reunion some of the family decided to go to another place. My Grandmothers brother had room in his vehicle, but I can remember that none of my cousins wanted to ride with him. I didn’t know why, so I volunteered to ride with him. During the drive, he kept patting my thigh. I felt uncomfortable with this but said nothing. Then his hand moved to my crotch. I froze. Not knowing what to do or say. Then as he started to unbutton and unzip my pants, something inside me gave me the courage to yell STOP! Thankfully, he did and then he went on some rant about how sorry he was and that he was just a “dirty old man”. I had no other words. At the next rest stop, I refused to ride with him any further, but I didn’t tell. At least not right away, but I did tell about a week later and was called a liar by both my Mother and my Grandmother. It was not brought up again. Even when years later he went to prison for molesting his own disabled step daughter. Not long after that incident, I went back to live with my Father. Throughout my life, I have struggled with relationships. I was the “clingy” girlfriend. I did have long term relationships, but my choices weren’t great. But in my 20’s, I had an amazing relationship with an amazing guy who really had it together. He encouraged me to go to college. I was so in love, but he wasn’t ready to get married and I was, so I ended the 5 year relationship, because I wanted to experience more. I wanted to have kids and I wanted to be married. Not long after that, I met my ex-husband. He was polar opposite of my stable relationship. After only 3 months of dating, I got pregnant and we married 2 months after that. I married a nightmare. Physically abusive, mentally abusive and, at times, sexually abusive. We had 3 children together. I rationalized that I married for better or for worse, so I stayed for 7 years. We drank together, we did drugs together and, looking back, that was my comfort zone. It was what I was used to. It was the environment that I grew up in. But in 2002, I woke up one day, after weeks of his heavy drug use and me with a battered face. I somehow got the courage to walk out. It has not been an easy road, but today I have 3 healthy and happy children. One just started college and the other two are in high school. Or family is not perfect, but my children know my past and they know what I’ve been through. They have not seen their Father since 2002. In fact, he has been in and out of prison since I left, currently in for the next 9 years. As a child, I was never made aware of the existence of predators, so I didn’t know and I didn’t tell. My children know the dangers and I can’t say for sure if they would tell, but I would like to think that they would. I ask questions when I sense there is something bothering my kids. They do know that one of the questions that I have always asked and will continue to ask is “has anyone made you feel uncomfortable or touched you in a way that you didn’t want to be touched?” I will always believe them if the answer was yes. Today, I have a career and I provide for my children, protect my children and love my children. Through my experiences and my emotional growth, I consciously made the decision to wait to be in a relationship until my children were out of school. I do not bring strange men into my home and even if I go on a date, I do not allow them to meet my children. I also know what I am willing to put up with and what I am not and I am quick to say no to a second/third date if I see any red flags. What happened to me as a child should never happen to any child or adult. I was not taught the dangers, so I didn’t know to tell. And, when I did tell, I wasn’t believed. So, I understand why some children and adults may not tell. Today, however, I would tell. Growing up, the person that was supposed to protect me the most and the person I trusted the most, put me and my sisters, in situations that no parent should ever put their children in. I didn’t even know that what was happening to me was wrong. I knew it made me uncomfortable, but I didn’t know it was wrong. My family has had a lot of healing to do and I do have a relationship with my Mother, but I didn’t for many many years. And, today she knows. She knows everything and today, she believes me and I believe in my heart she has so many regrets. Only 2 of the three of us sisters have a relationship with her. And I know it tears her apart. I may have gone a bit off track, but the bottom line is: Parents, teach your children about the dangers of predators and do not ever put them in situations where they can be victimized. Talk to your children and ask the questions that need to be asked and reassure them that if there is ever anything they want to tell, but feel they can’t tell, that it will be ok and you will protect them.

    Thank you Kristina for sharing your story. Thank you for trusting us enough to tell.

    • Grace November 19, 2016 at 6:36 pm #

      You are an amazing woman and mother. Thank you for sharing.

  24. Rosalie Santoriello October 19, 2016 at 7:23 pm #

    Kristina, thank you for sharing..finally right? I hope that by sharing this you found enormous relief and a sense of renewed strength. You must, we MUST – MUST teach our children, neighbors children, friends’ children, both daughters and sons to tell someone NO MATTER WHAT! and keep telling when and if no one believes them. A girlfriend of mine was raped at a local Catholic college about 15 years ago. She thought no one would believe her – they didn’t..she stopped telling and dropped it. My heart aches for her every time I see her.

  25. Angie October 19, 2016 at 5:31 pm #

    I’m so glad you shared this with everyone. Yes, this does happen all the time and these guys don’t think nothing of it and they leave the victim to live with this kind of crap for many, many years after. All the time dealing with the Anger and wishing we would have done something more to
    make them accountable somehow to what they have done.

  26. bill October 19, 2016 at 2:48 pm #

    I am praying for you. Praying you find peace and healing. Praying you create a life for yourself and your children filled with joy. Sending you love and light.

  27. Steph Martyr October 19, 2016 at 9:32 am #

    You are an amazing person for telling this story! These sorts of things happen far too much, but i can promise that sharing your story like this does help others, wether to open up themselves or just to be able to cope and stop blaming themselves – i know this from abuse i went through (in ALL its forms) and from later on doing support work.
    Unfortunately there are too many people out there that ‘cry wolf’, as some people have already mentioned, and i honestly think that is something that media should make people aware of, not by naming and shaming but by making clear the consequences to other people who really are going through these things. Thise that ‘cry wolf’ dont think that their words affect anyone outside the immidiate situation (which is a bad enough affect alone), they need to see that it is a ripple affect and those ripples never stop.
    Kristina – your words on here will have a ripple affect to that will never end and that is something i hope you take great pride in!
    Ladies and Gents on here who have shared your experiences – you are amazing. Ladies and Gents who have gobe through any of this – you are amazing!!! You all have amazing strength AND ‘you are all beautiful just the way you are’!

  28. Joyce October 19, 2016 at 8:36 am #

    Thank you so much for sharing this story Kristina, I see you as a role model and the fact that a strong out spoken person like you could experience such treatment is testimony to the fact that this can happen to ANYONE. You have done women everywhere a good service by sharing and thank you for having the strength to do so.

  29. Jireh Deng October 19, 2016 at 12:39 am #

    I’m so sorry this happened to you. I know that apologies from others can’t heal the mind and soul, but I hope that it helps knowing that other people are thinking of you.

  30. Mart October 18, 2016 at 10:40 pm #

    (((HUGS!!)))) Iam SO VERY SORRY this happened to you!!!!! :(((((((((((((((((( I am so glad you are sharing your story so others can have the courage to tell someone. Horrible. I am sorry. 🙁

  31. Therese October 18, 2016 at 6:00 pm #

    This is so powerful and important, so sorry you had to go through all that! <3 Thank you for speaking up, thank you for your bravery! It is much needed <3
    Love and respect to you!
    You are such an inspiration!

  32. carnam ilinga October 18, 2016 at 5:18 pm #

    I can understand every woman who doesn’t speak up.
    Because most people don’t listen and won’t believe. But we must not let that silence our voices.
    We have to get angry, ALLOW ourselves to get angry. (Mother nature is very good at being angry! So should we be!) We should use this anger to speak up. Againg and again. It is so important.
    A friend of mine is going through very hard times and there are police officers who won’t believe her. But she has finally had enough. She won’t stay quiet anymore. She doesn’t have much money, but she has her lawyer who is taking good care of her problems.
    It is so important to know, that you are not alone. And that people listen to you and believe you.

  33. AD October 18, 2016 at 1:13 pm #

    Stripping it back to the bare bones, what happened shone a light into the soul of the person you are. You put yourself second at the time because although your thoughts and feelings were tumbling, your main concern wasn’t for yourself, you didn’t want to cause another harm by having an accident. How selfless and altruistic you are. That is strength although you didn’t feel strong. Strength shows itself in many forms. Living with the ordeal needs strength. Never put yourself down about what happened. I see true courage and strength in what you did that night, I see strength when you put your children first and didn’t report it. I see strength by you now sharing what happened to support others. It’s not a question of whether I believe you, which I do by the way, it’s a question of whether you can believe in yourself. Don’t doubt a decision you made under the circumstances you were in, it was clearly right for you at the time else you’d not have decided that course of action.
    Ladies, I’d say most of us have been there. We need a better support system to enable us to report these crimes. If that was in place we’d not even question reporting it and many, many attacks would simply not happen as a result. Sadly until that happens we’ll continue to unnecessarily blame ourselves for not reporting our predators.
    Thank you for again being strong and sharing. God bless you.

    • Elizabeth October 25, 2016 at 2:19 pm #

      I agree completely with AD. Too many of us have been thru similar, and not reported because, at the time, it was the least worst choice for us.

      We need to raise our children to be as safe as possible. And we need to recognize that some parents are raising physical and sexual assault-ers. Make a positive impact on all children you come into contact with, you may be there only positive role model.

      Thank you all for sharing! It helps to know there are others who went thru it and still thrived.

  34. Jodie Johnson October 18, 2016 at 11:42 am #

    Ugh. This stuff makes me so angry… you have the cases where women are trying to scorn a man so they make up some wild story… and then the world has become a dark place that values the wrong things in life… a status quo, a gender, a race and the list goes on. All of these things are what stops men and women from getting the closure and justice needed and deserved.
    I am sorry this happened to you. I am sorry you didn’t feel safe enough among the people that are supposed to protect us, to turn this bastard in. I am sorry you had to go through this alone because of the superficial state the world has become.
    However, I thank you. Thank you for sharing your story… and putting it out there for all to see. It is an act like this that can help another victim that is reading it say enough is enough… and indeed is st is. We need to support our brothers and sisters. Take issue seriously when there are accusations and be there to give the victims strength during their time of need… not knock them down because they aren’t as “valuable” as the attacker.
    He will meet his judgement one day. I will be praying for you… I hope you have found peace within and live life to its fullest. Don’t continue to live your life letting your attacker win… because everyday of happiness he takes from you, he is winning all over again. God bless you. ♡

  35. Stacie Schmidt October 18, 2016 at 10:33 am #

    I believe you. Thank you for being brave enough to share your story with us.

  36. Sofia October 18, 2016 at 10:04 am #

    I believe you. 200%. And I hope he pays for what he did. He will. The universe does not sleep.

    I hope you read the comments, though. I am touched by the outpouring of love and understanding left here by women. It is truly amazing and has touched my heart. I can actually feel the energy! Women are amazing. And you are amazing!

  37. Shannan October 18, 2016 at 6:49 am #

    The worst… the absolute worst thing about sexual assault is not the injustice to your body… but the injustice to your soul. It tears you open in places you can’t seem to reach and allows your sense of self to bleed out. And oh, the doubt! Can you ever trust yourself again? When obviously you make such devastating choices?

    I understand. I hear you.

  38. Heart Jules October 18, 2016 at 6:25 am #

    When I did tell my whole family about my cousin pushing himself up on me against the walls, all teh violations, all the verbal and psychological abuse which would go away if i just took my clothes off. After two years and massive excalation of assaults, more intensity of violations, I couldn’t take it anymore, i had to speak up and ask for help. I told my family: my mother and his fathe (my uncle) ~ I was looked at like “Aw, how cute, they’re kissing cousins.”, while the words were from his dad, “well, I’ll tell him your not his girlfriend, your his cousin.” Oh my gosh, I’m realizing only right now as I write, WHAT??!~! like doing that shit to a girlfriend would be acceptable? Yech, well, there we are, another layer unveiled. See, hm, that was 20+ years ago, and I’m still coming to terms with what actually went down. Huh, figure that. I never told anyone ever again of any future assaults that came up in my life. Oh, and that shit kept happening too, for years.

  39. John October 18, 2016 at 5:02 am #

    Wow, very powerful and moving…and traumatic! Your body shaking, numbing response, second-guessing your actions in the car… all normal reactions to an overwhelming situation that sadly plays out far too often.

    I encourage you to read “The Body Keeps the Score” by Bessel van der Kolk or “In an Unspoken Voice” by Peter Levine to better understand how such events can often continue to shape life in unsuspecting ways…

    You have an amazing voice, keep on sharing and writing!

    • Maureen Kaye October 18, 2016 at 6:55 pm #


      • John October 19, 2016 at 4:35 am #

        Thanks Maureen!

  40. Gary Cooper October 18, 2016 at 4:19 am #

    Don’t know if this helps or not – but it is not just women – I too had a similar thing with a guy I thought was just a friend – out of the blue – no warning – and like you, and other folk on here – the repercussions at the time, and considerations for other people’s feelings and families precluded doing anything about it.
    Thirty years on our paths still cross occasionally – awkward doesn’t really cover it!
    It never goes – just niggles away – some days are better than others – some of us know …

  41. Julie wortmann October 18, 2016 at 3:40 am #

    I believe you. I believe YOU. I BELIEVE YOU!!!

  42. Lauren October 18, 2016 at 2:46 am #

    Thank you.

  43. Melissa October 18, 2016 at 2:45 am #

    I totally believe you. I also didn’t tell at first, not until he stuck his finger in my shirt and pulled it down while telling me I looked sexy today. That was the 4th incident, but I was too scared. We were coworkers and he had been there MUCH longer than me. He started to show up more often and followed me around. He ended up getting fired, coworkers turned their backs on me, the union supported him, the news covered it, etc. It was a living HELL! I completely understand now why so many incidents go unreported!

  44. Emma October 18, 2016 at 2:44 am #

    I believe you and have experienced a very similar situation xx hopefully your post encourages others to speak up xx

  45. Amy October 18, 2016 at 2:29 am #

    I believe in you and have courage to believe in yourself.
    As girls,we r told what is appropriate & what is not.BUT nobody really tell us how to control our inner demons & guilt if the situation happens with somebody we know or circumstances is created by us.Our society never educate us to handle the situation and the community together.Just tell us to report the situation and then what happens? We have to handle the community and ourselves on our own.
    U r not guilty of your actions if it is not what you are prepared for.
    Live a Full Life and tell yourself everything will be ok.
    Have faith in yourself and in life.Happiness to you in the future.

  46. karina doyon October 18, 2016 at 2:21 am #

    Je te crois ( in french ) I beleive you , and when i was 12 a
    priest did sexual thing to me but i I didn’t tell

  47. Kim October 18, 2016 at 2:00 am #

    I believe sharing your story helped more than one person. You are a beautiful soul. I am glad I happened upon you.

  48. Kaleigh October 18, 2016 at 1:53 am #

    I am so thankful for you and others for stepping forward and saying something now. I was raped by my high school boyfriend but I always thought it was my fault because I invited him over, I was making out with him, I messed around with him. However, when that line was crossed and I said no he didn’t listen to me. He didn’t stop. And all I could do was cry. Again, I blamed myself and even now 12 years later I still suffer from the shame, the anger, and the insecurity from that event. Reading stories from other people who were too scared to say anything helps me to encourage others to stand up and say something. Thank you for your strength. May God bless you.

  49. Hannah October 18, 2016 at 1:20 am #

    You expressed beautifully what I have been feeling but couldn’t find the words to say.

    You are brave. You are strong. Thank you.

  50. Chrystal M Rodriguez October 18, 2016 at 1:12 am #

    Honestly, I believe you. I also believe that the authorities would have done nothing. Even when there is “proof” it is not enough. You did what was what you thought was best in your position. You were concerned for your future because this was how you were going to provide for your children. Most mothers totally get it. Men like this are disgusting and hateful. You did nothing to deserve his touching you …. he is mental and arrogant. But, teach your children… respect and personal space and that is how I believe we as women pay it forward…. thankyou for your story…. some of us also have untold stories… I do.

  51. Dana October 18, 2016 at 12:44 am #

    I get it! Cosby was Mr Wonderful on his show, Mr Jelly pudding commercials with kids, who would accuse him and find themselves in a storm? Lots of people doubted what was being said! The unconscious girl who was raped by the standford student, I was absolutely shocked at what the officers were asking her? I was shocked at the time he received! Even in today’s world I can understand why a woman would not report!

  52. Mp October 18, 2016 at 12:21 am #

    I am so sorry for what you went through. I was sexually addicted when I was 14 and because my body reacted even though I tried to push him off me, I didn’t tell anyone of authority. I was afraid and figured no one would believe me plus my body reacted so maybe he was right and I did want it even tho I kept saying no and did not want to be touched like that. To this day I wonder if should have said anything. When he saw me in school he’d wink at me. I felt so gross. Luckily he wasn’t there my sophomore year and I dropped out that year anyways.

    You definitely didn’t do anything wrong. He was a pig is a pig. I’m glad you’re letting it out now though so you can heal.

  53. Jackie Jones October 18, 2016 at 12:18 am #

    I believe you.

  54. Cora October 18, 2016 at 12:14 am #

    I believe you!!!!

  55. Tracey October 18, 2016 at 12:09 am #

    Your bravery in sharing this empowers someone else to be brave. Abuse, assault… can happen to anyone, even strong, independent women, under the right circumstances. Thank you for putting yourself out there.

  56. JB October 18, 2016 at 12:08 am #

    No one has the right to lay their hands on anyone else if it’s not consensual. Terrible that it happens to anyone at all… I have never personally been in this situation but I love someone dearly who has been, someone who like you never told, until HE met me. He dealt with pain, anger, and confusion for 7 years, on his own… never (to this day) has told anyone in his family… NO ONE should ever feel it’s okay to do this to someone… so sorry you had to experience this, so sorry for all you went through.. I believed him, and I believe you. #thiscanhappentoANYONE #nomeansno #hedidnttelleither

  57. EH October 18, 2016 at 12:00 am #

    Thank you.

    Me too. Different details. Same story.
    Thank you for sharing now.

    I believe you. I understand. I get it.
    I admire your courage to share so openly now.

    I didn’t share fully until it was time to with my sponsor in my 12 step program.

    Just, thank you.

  58. Aida October 17, 2016 at 11:44 pm #

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. You have no idea how many women you are helping by sharing what happened to you. You are definitely not alone. I’m so sorry you went through this, no one should have to. It is not ok!


  59. Stacey October 17, 2016 at 11:36 pm #

    I believe you. Thank you so much for sharing

  60. Debo October 17, 2016 at 11:07 pm #

    What a yukky experience for you!! 🙁 It was NOT your fault!!!!!!!

  61. Dorci October 17, 2016 at 11:04 pm #

    I believe you. It’s happened to me, too. For whatever reasons victims adopt a shame in these situations that doesn’t belong to us, but to those who assault us. Thank you for gathering the courage to speak out. The more we do hopefully women in the future will not feel that shame and the blame will immediately be put squarely at the feet of the predators where it belongs.

  62. Butterfly October 17, 2016 at 10:55 pm #

    Hugging you with understanding at the deepest level and with prayer. The Lord knows. He will bring justice

  63. Christina St-Jean October 17, 2016 at 10:51 pm #

    Kristina, I myself have struggled with that same question over the years. I was assaulted twice – once as a young child (and as the oldest sibling, I struggled a LOT with my inability to protect my kid sister) and once in my 20s. Nothing was done, nothing was said. I should have gone to the cops after the incident in my 20s, but why? Who’d believe me? It wasn’t a violent act, but it was a terrible violation, and I should have told. I didn’t, so I do understand your questions and perhaps even a bit of self-recrimination. In fact, I didn’t tell for many of the same reasons you didn’t. I did write about it though: http://hubpages.com/politics/Why-Girls-And-Women-Dont-Report-Acceptance-and-Belief-Often-Isnt-There is the link should you be inclined to read it.

    You were very brave to share your story. Thank you, a million times over.

    Chris St-Jean

  64. Ashley Breanna October 17, 2016 at 10:51 pm #

    Wow. Truly heartbreaking. But you did what felt easiest during a hard, scary time in your life. You are stronger now because of how you see your past. God bless.

  65. Christie October 17, 2016 at 10:50 pm #

    All I’m going to say to you is that I’m so sorry this happened to you! Thank you for opening yourself up and being vulnerable. YOU are amazing!!

  66. Lisa October 17, 2016 at 10:49 pm #

    I believe you.

  67. Caroline October 17, 2016 at 10:47 pm #

    I had a situation very similar happen to me. The director of HR (yes, HR) was on a visit to our location. There was a dinner with management where he started becoming inappropriate with me by the bathroom so no one could see. Then asked for a dance. He was brought back to the office in another car. I was asked to close up & set the alarm. He followed me in under the guise of “keeping me safe”. He grabbed me tried to kiss me, put his hand up my dress & acted as if I wanted all of this to happen. “Come on let me grab your ass,” he said, I was able to leave & go home but he was still there the next day. I told him what happened would never happen again. He thought I was kidding, playing hard to get, talk ing about how I could take a trip to the home office for “training”. After that I was so distraught that my HR counterpart made me tell him what was wrong. He insisted I tell management. I was questioned made to write an In-depth statement of this assault which was reliving it over & over again. He told management it was mutual & I wanted it. In the end he was fired & I was lucky enough to never see him again. I’m so sorry you suffered alone & your perpetrator was never punished. I stand with you today to tell you that you are strong & so many women will take your words & take a stand for themselves. Thank you.

  68. Colette October 17, 2016 at 10:43 pm #

    Thank you for sharing.

  69. Lorrian Ippoliti October 17, 2016 at 10:42 pm #

    Thank you for sharing your story. Sending you love and light.

  70. Megan DiMattia October 17, 2016 at 10:32 pm #

    Thanks for being so brave and speaking out, and breaking the silence. I had the experience of telling but chose not to press charges. I, like many women also blamed myself and felt guilty when I had done nothing wrong! I think almost everyone must have these experiences maybe I am jaded after hearing from so many women- but only the ones who tell.

  71. Melissa Lord October 17, 2016 at 10:30 pm #

    Thank you for sharing this story. I am sorry that happened to you.

  72. Aly R October 17, 2016 at 10:27 pm #

    Thank you for your honesty. I understand completely especially the part about being embarrassed about all the things you think you should have been able to do. I was raped and never reported it and then went through times in my life were found myself blaming myself. Too often offenders get away with it and other women blame themselves.

  73. Robin October 17, 2016 at 10:27 pm #

    I never told either, and it wasn’t just assault, it was rape. Eventually I wrote him a letter after he tried contacting me on MySpace, but I don’t know if he ever got it. Whether he did or not, he still tried contacting me on Facebook (each time through his wife’s account). I’ve blocked him and I’ve moved on. I know it wasn’t my fault and I’ve worked through the pain. It was a very long time ago and there doesn’t seem to be a reason to tell now…except maybe one day I’ll tell my daughter so she is better prepared than I was, and maybe I’ll tell my son so that he knows it’s not ok.

  74. Maegan Ellerbeck October 17, 2016 at 10:27 pm #

    It is rough. I am sorry this happened to you or any woman. No one deserves that. I believe your strength of writing about it today will help with a girl struggling with the same decision in the future! Thank you for telling your story!

  75. Trish October 17, 2016 at 10:26 pm #

    You are not alone. This doesn’t make you any less of a warrior. If anything it makes you more able to deal with the shit that gets thrown at you. You are not alone.

  76. Natasha Cecere October 17, 2016 at 10:24 pm #

    You, my dear Kristina. You ARE brave and smart and worthy. You are particularly brave in this moment to use your power to shed light where there is often so much darkness and shame. Dont be mistaken, your speaking gives others permission to speak, or to dispel the shame they may have for NOT speaking. I’m proud of you, sad for what happened to you, sad for all the beautiful women in my life to whom this has happened..often I’m sad that they felt they had to wait this long to tell someone. But I understand, and I want you to know that I am continually in awe of your grace and strength,,especially the strength it takes to be vulnerable again and again. Pardon me for swearing, but you’re a fucking legend.

  77. Jim s October 17, 2016 at 10:24 pm #

    I’m so sorry that happened to you. Praying as I tap.

  78. Aimee October 17, 2016 at 10:16 pm #

    Thank you for sharing this. It really hit home with me and though I know you aren’t going to read the comments I’m writing it anyway! Twice in my life, I haven’t shared, haven’t told. And I wish I would have. One of them knows how I feel. The other is a very successful business owner here in town. If I ever see him, he will know how he made me feel. How he changed my life. But I never told my parents, I did tell a couple of close friends simply because I was so alone in my grief and I needed to speak about it. Anyway thanks for opening up! Because like you said, the reasons us strong women who don’t put up with crap from anyone don’t tell are complicated and varied.

  79. Genevieve October 17, 2016 at 9:56 pm #

    A very similar thing happened to me and I never spoke up. It wasn’t until years later that i started to feel guilty about not speaking up. It’s too late for me, he moved to another country and nothing can be done. It doesn’t matter how long it’s been, leave a report with the police they might not be able to do anything but if someone else makes a report as well it would help build a case against him. Not to mention how much better you feel afterwards

  80. Claire October 17, 2016 at 9:51 pm #

    I believe you.

  81. Ally October 17, 2016 at 9:50 pm #

    Thank you Kristina for speaking up and making a difference for all those who might need it in the future, thank you! I hope this helps you heal that old scar.Your words are enough!!!! thanks again!

  82. Elisabeth Sloan October 17, 2016 at 9:46 pm #

    Well. You did the best you could, when you were who you were then. You were going through a lot. If I had been in your situation I would have done the same thing. I hope you were able to break your contract.

  83. Lindy Valentin October 17, 2016 at 9:46 pm #

    I don’t know any woman who doesn’t have a story like this. We don’t talk because we aren’t believed and re-victimized through the whole trial process. I’m glad you shared it. We all need this. Thank you for being so vulnerable and open.

  84. Alexis Cox October 17, 2016 at 9:42 pm #


    That was amazingly brave!

  85. Kerry Kennedy October 17, 2016 at 9:39 pm #

    Thank you for sharing your story. What that creep did is despicable! No one knows what they will do or how they would react until it happens to them. You did what was right for you at the time.

    Thanks again for being brave enough to share.

  86. Claire October 17, 2016 at 9:38 pm #

    Your word is enough.
    Your body and your dignity and the truth are worth more than any money and anyone’s doubts.
    I wish I could have been there to tell you sooner, just like I wish someone had been there to tell me when my turn came.
    A hug from the other side of the world


  87. J.A October 17, 2016 at 9:34 pm #

    Your words will ALWAYS be just enough!!

  88. Kelly October 17, 2016 at 9:33 pm #

    I believe you. I’ve been there 💜

  89. Standeline Thomas October 17, 2016 at 9:25 pm #

    Point well made!

  90. Stacy October 17, 2016 at 9:24 pm #

    I was in the same situation…work related, driving and was assaulted. I didn’t tell for a month but never filed a police report, never got an attorney and never would have told had the only friend I told a month later not threatened to tell HR for me. I was 23 years old. I get it. There’s more of us than people realize, sadly way more! Thanks for sharing.

  91. Caila Spitzer October 17, 2016 at 9:23 pm #

    You are an amazingly strong woman. Even if you didn’t feel strong in that moment, even if you didn’t tell, you’re strong. You got that man out of your car. You cancelled your contract. You never looked back. No woman should ever feel their body is an object and not their own. I think your story is amazing and shows that even the strongest women, even those we think this could “never happen to”, sometimes even those women can’t control the action of another. Your story shows that any woman could go through this (or even a man can suffer through a sexual assault) and it’s not talked about near enough. These things happen and the only fight we have against it is letting other people know that it’s not their fault. And Kristina, it’s not your fault. Thank you for being such an inspiring person and reaching out with your story.

  92. Lisa October 17, 2016 at 9:18 pm #

    I believe you.

  93. Kristen October 17, 2016 at 9:13 pm #

    Thank you for your bravery. You may have stayed quiet then, but you’ve spoken out now. I’m so sorry that happened to you and that this society makes it seem preferable and safer to stay quiet instead of speak up. But again, THANK YOU for speaking up now. A lot of women are going to find strength and courage in this. Hopefully enough to speak up immediately. At least to a friend.

  94. Paula October 17, 2016 at 9:13 pm #

    I believe you and seeing this is giving me courage to write about my own childhood experiences. Thank you for sharing. 💜

  95. Amber October 17, 2016 at 9:12 pm #

    Keep telling your story.

  96. Jessica Dockery October 17, 2016 at 9:11 pm #

    I am so very sorry this happened to you. I am even more sorry that you felt as if you couldn’t tell, anyone. I know what happened was confusing, demeaning and made you feel so very empty. You are such a strong,smart, and beautiful woman and there are men who see that as emasculating and will do what they see fit to gain their power back. He should have been held accountable for his actions… But those actions didn’t break you. Remember that. You are not who you are today because of what he did, you are you because you didn’t let it define you. Take pride in knowing so many women look up to you. As do I, even more so for your courage to talk about it, no matter how long it took. You are awesome in every way! Look forward to the day and don’t ever let your past define you.
    Much love, jess

  97. Jolyn October 17, 2016 at 9:11 pm #

    I’m sorry you had to go through that. You not anybody else deserves that kind of treatment and it shouldn’t matter whether or not they tell someone an hour after it happens or 20 years later. One must walk a mile in that persons shoes to really understand what they went through and why they didn’t tell in the first place. Fear can be a huge and overwhelming factor that convinces many people to do things they otherwise wouldn’t do.

  98. Emily October 17, 2016 at 9:10 pm #

    Thank you.

  99. Kritina October 17, 2016 at 9:09 pm #

    I knew it was a good idea to start following you. I felt something so human inside while waching your videos I can not describe it in words. Sharing this takes a lot of cahones and thank you for that. Many of us were in similar situations and these kind of stories only connect us on deeper levels. You just admited you are a human, with all the “bad” sides of it, like fear and doubt, feelings of not being able to defend yourself, feelings of being just a “nobody” against a more powerful “somebody”. Thank you and just keep on being yourself, so real, so human. I wish I become a strong and cool mother like you someday if I manage to become one with my bad health. You go mama!

  100. Don October 17, 2016 at 9:08 pm #

    I can see where you are coming from. I have to admit, I ask myself, “If these women were assaulted, why didn’t they report it?” Your story gives me pause and makes me realize that I am guilty of prejudging without the facts. Hope you are in a better place now.

  101. Georgia October 17, 2016 at 9:08 pm #

    Wow. You articulated this very well. You just became my voice for a similar situation in my life years ago. Situations like these happen far more frequently than people expect. Thank you for your courage to put this out there.

  102. Dale Boyer October 17, 2016 at 9:08 pm #

    I admire your strength in coming forward with this, even though it’s years later and too late to hold him accountable. Hopefully, your story will help others to realize why other women have waited so long to come forward…and why so many remain in abusive relationships. This has become a huge part of the conversation today, and for all the wrong reasons. People need to know, and the cycle of violence must end.

  103. Paula Fontenot October 17, 2016 at 9:04 pm #

    I didn’t tell either.

    It’s incredibly sad that we aren’t alone in the ididntell club.

    And terrifying the unbelievably gross things some people feel entitled to do to others, and then get away with denying, because it just sounds too crazy to be true.

  104. BSM October 17, 2016 at 9:01 pm #

    This has happened to so many of us. Thanks for sharing your story.

  105. Amelia October 17, 2016 at 9:00 pm #

    Lovely one, You are brave. You are strong. Thank you for opening up that part of your hurt, I’m sure you never expected it to be written. I completely understand. But you beautiful one have shown so much bravery today! And maybe saved someone, or helped someone speak out. It’s like a ripple effect. And my darling you have started something bigger than yourself. Stand tall. Stand firm. Straighten that lioness crown, you got this. And we have you. X

    • Carla P. November 10, 2016 at 2:07 pm #

      What a great validation Amelia. The one that moved me to respknd, for some reason. I found this thread randomly. I’m glad I’m here. Bless you all.

  106. Maroeska October 17, 2016 at 9:00 pm #

  107. Cami October 17, 2016 at 8:58 pm #

    You’re a very strong woman for still going on with your life after something like that, I’ve never been in that situation but I have enough common sense to know that what that man did is WRONG and is a total abuse. It must have been difficult for you to go trough such and awful experience, but, even though I have only seen you in your videos and do not personally know you, I think you are amazing and very brave for sharing your experience 🙂 All my best wishes and stay strong 🙂

  108. elizabeth October 17, 2016 at 8:56 pm #

    i think everyone should tell someone right when it happens who knows other women might have come forward and said the same..it takes one strong woman just one to lead others…but i get why you would be scared…glad nothing more happened to you.

  109. Michelle Grant October 17, 2016 at 8:54 pm #

    I’m so sorry that happened to you. My prayers and blessings your way.

  110. Mallory October 17, 2016 at 8:54 pm #

    Thank you for sharing this, and I feel its really important that you did. I think that there are a lot of women out there that have or will experience the same thing, and opefully what you went through will help someone else get through what they’re going through. Im sorry for what happened to you, but I think that sharing this no matter how longs its been, is brave as hell.

  111. MB @ Mint Hill October 17, 2016 at 8:53 pm #

    I have not words. Simply– you are brave and I wish I could give you a hug. Nobody should go through that. Thank you for sharing your story.

  112. Shelley October 17, 2016 at 8:53 pm #

    I believe you as I’ve endured this to and didn’t tell. I feel you! Thanks for sharing your story. You Are brave 👍🏻

  113. Jill October 17, 2016 at 8:53 pm #

    Some sense, at last!

  114. Fiona October 17, 2016 at 8:50 pm #

    But this time you did speak up. And maybe someone else will have the courage to speak up because they read your words. What you did today is what matters.

    Sending love <3

  115. Loretta October 17, 2016 at 8:49 pm #

    Kristina, I am so sorry this happened to you!! It is awful being assaulted! I know because I was assaulted at 15 on my way home from school by a 17 year old boy. I didn’t tell anyone either because I thought it was my fault. We feel so dirty, so ashamed and so guilty! Of what???? Anyway, I’m sorry it happened to you!

  116. Anon October 17, 2016 at 8:47 pm #

    Your bravery in sharing this is immense. I was assaulted by an older family member as a teenager and have thought many a time of reporting to the police or someone official, as it has affected my life in so many ways, but somehow always felt as though I wouldn’t matter as much, or they wouldn’t believe me, or it could tear what’s left of my family apart, yet I too consider myself an otherwise well rounded strong woman. It is horrendous to think that these women have had more strength than I in speaking up and yet they’re doubted, and that needs to end. Thank you for this.

  117. Jordan October 17, 2016 at 8:46 pm #

    Well done. For being so brace to speak out now and for giving those people a voise when they didn’t have the words to say it themselves x

  118. Kaitlyn October 17, 2016 at 8:44 pm #

    This will give someone the strength enough to believe their word is strong enough thanks to you -sincerely your biggest fan =)

  119. Sandra October 17, 2016 at 8:44 pm #

    I believe you.


    I’ve had the very same experience…and I, like you, didn’t tell. If anything good comes from the craziness of the “current climate”, perhaps it’s that women, will now “TELL”, and heal, and let those that feel entitled know that these “secrets” will be told, and there will be consequences.

  120. Amand October 17, 2016 at 8:43 pm #

    Nothing like that has happened to me. But thank you for your bravery to share that.

  121. Nada Marriott October 17, 2016 at 8:41 pm #

    Bravo for speaking out now. So proud of you.

  122. Rebecca Smith October 17, 2016 at 8:40 pm #

    I believe you.

  123. Mummy&moose October 17, 2016 at 8:39 pm #

    It’s shit that this happened and is possibly happening to someone else right now but thank you. THANK YOU for using your voice now. I hope the managers dick shrivelled up and dropped off though.

  124. Leah October 17, 2016 at 8:36 pm #

    Wow! I think there are lots of reasons women don’t speak up and it’s so complicated some times. Thank you for your honesty. As I raise my kids (1daughter/2sons), I am reminded of how to raise my sons. To teach them respect and boundaries. To teach my daughter to speak up. It’s amazing the amount of stories coming out. This is clearly an issue that needs to be addressed and starting with teaching our kids how to respect others is a start.

  125. Debbie October 17, 2016 at 8:35 pm #

    I was sexually assaulted by a doctor, we worked for the same company. I am consider myself very strong willed and at times out spoken. When I assaulted, I was outraged, scared and in total disbelief of what was happening against my will. I reported it to my supervisor immediately and her words exactly , ” are you sure this really happened” What the hell is wrong with this woman! I showed her the marks left by his hands.. she let me go home. When I came back to work the next day, she was not working, but he was. And he assaulted me again, this time the assualt was more more minor but still an assault. I left work but did report it again.

    Here is my point, it doesnt matter how strong we are or how sure of ourselves we are, bad things happen because people are Asshats! I went to the police and filed a report.. he went to prison. His defense was… this was normal and acceptable behavior in his country.

    I lost over 30 pounds, was terrified most of the time and still have issues being alone with any man that is not my husband. My supervisor didn’t believe me… the medical community stood behind the doctor and I felt like I was going insane.. Till all of the truth came out. Not only had he assualted me, but he was assualting the female patients. He would chose the most vulnerable one and was very sly. With me coming forward, they also came forward and together we put the nails in his coffin.

    It was tough to realize that what happen wasn’t my fault. I did not solicite his behavior. But I will forever have the memory of the actions he decided were appropriate.

    All I can hope is that one day the memory will totally fade.. It has been 16 years.

  126. Kara October 17, 2016 at 8:31 pm #

    Your words and experience resognate with so many women. You have shown it is never too late to speak out as you’ve done by sharing your experience and reasons for doing and thinking like you did. And women reading this will remember your story and advice, especially if it sadly happens to them. Thank you for sharing. You are so brave. ❤️

  127. Karla October 17, 2016 at 8:30 pm #

    Wow. I do believe you. You are inspirational and talented woman! Love your posts and videos, keep up the good work .

  128. Jelena October 17, 2016 at 8:28 pm #

    Kristina, zao mi je da si tako nesto prosla.. Ima toga svugdje a posebno u Americi.. A zasto nisi nesto rekla ranije?.. Pa bilo te strah.. Sto je razumljivo.. Dakle, dopusti si da budes “human” jer i snazne zene ponekad mogu biti nejake.. To je okej.. Bok, God bless.. Pozz iz Hrvatske!

  129. anon October 17, 2016 at 8:27 pm #

    Thanks for sharing. You were right, there are so many who need to hear they are not alone. Thank you.

  130. Ionela Comindaru October 17, 2016 at 8:26 pm #

    I didn’t tell! 😢

  131. Christy October 17, 2016 at 8:24 pm #

    You are strong… you just proved it. #ididnttelleither

  132. M October 17, 2016 at 8:24 pm #

    This makes me so angry. Unfortunately, I think you were right when you felt you would be blamed. We women need to support each other!